Messages from my sabbatical- Top 5

Backstory: I took a Sabbatical in the fall of 2023. This video goes into all the details of why I was taking it and what I hoped to gain from it. Of course, life served different circumstances and the sabbatical was perfect timing.

5 Major lessons from my sabbatical: 

1. There's an inner knowing we all have if we slow down enough to listen (and with loving support from those who give us a nudge).  

   I knew the time was right.  I knew I needed to step back completely from social media and wasn't in the place to offer my energy to others.  Just 4 days into my sabbatical was the massacre in Israel (my birthplace, where I have tons of family/friends, and home in many ways). The war and all that's followed have asked so much of me and of my nervous system.  

   Btw, only other time I've pulled back from social and supporting clients since I started this business was in February of 2020.  So when there's a calling to rest, lean into it as much as is doable.  Your body knows.  When it came to this war and Covid, I'm so glad I was focused more heavily on myself and my inner circle and wasn't swimming in the polarizing outer world.

2. Sometimes we learn the same lesson over and over… and over again.  

   We all do this.  For me this one is realizing again and again how important it is to fil my cup beyond the minimum. Something about me: I tend towards lower energy, in general.  I don't have the stamina or capacity some of my friends do and I've learned to accept that's part of who I am for a variety of reasons.  

   So when I fill my cup to 30%, it's feels SOO much better than where I was!  It's like driving your car with the fuel light on and filling it ⅓ of the way.  You're good for a bit, but then that darn light is on again!  

   My fuel light comes on more than I'd like, given how many times I’ve learned this lesson.  I'm actually feeling it right now, but here's the best part of it:  I really learned, during my sabbatical, how to pause, get right back to the gas station and stop driving around on empty.  

   That’s where #3-5 come in. Keep reading…

3. I learned what REST really is.  

   First let me say that I thought I was pretty good at resting.  I've had many friends say some variation of “Deena, you're so good at self-care/listening to your needs" over the years.  But my my sabbatical and all I was navigating taught me I was barely scratching the surface… and actually resting inefficiently.  

   Yes, I recognize “efficiency” and “rest” should't go in the same sentence but hear me out.  I was multitasking my rest most of the time.  What I realized is that deep rest is not reading a personal development book or listening to a podcast with to do's for improving my life.  

   It's definitely not scrolling social.  Escaping or numbing behaviors are not restful.  They serve a purpose and it's important to learn our patterns around them, but they aren't restful.  

   Here's what rest looked like for me: Laying on the grass in the sun (my doctor actually told me to use sun as my energy source: “be like a plant," she said), walking barefoot, slowly tending to my new vegetable garden, getting into nature, and taking baths.  I also did Andrew Huberman's Non Sleep Deep Rest guided meditation often. Tip: Do it in advance of the time of day when you usually feel run-down.

   And back to the efficiency thing: When you’re really resting (not zoning-out-on-the-couch-rest), your body gets the message and it’s quiet efficient!

4. I became ruthless with my decision-making. 

   As someone who waffles and can come down with a big case of the FOMO, I learned how to only say yes to things that were, as my wise friend Heather says, “A full-body YES!”  These days that feels like a deeeeeeep inhale, followed by a gentle smile as my shoulders drop on the exhale.  My body just relaxes into it completely.  Then I know it's right.  

   If I found myself trying to weigh possibilities, consider different outcomes, and create a pros/cons list in my head about it, I learned it wasn't for me.  The pros/cons list-making was already sapping my energy.  

   Being decisive or direct may feel foreign to you if you're used to accommodating others more than yourself or feeling the weight of “the shoulds.”  People may be surprised and that's okay.  Consider this: You're likely paving the way for others to consider their own needs in a new way.  Oooh what a beautiful lesson for the next generation!

5. The basics really make a difference. 

   Listen, I've been in the wellness world for about 15 years now and I love it.  I love learning about the body and being in conversation of what's optimal vs "normal,  the fun bio-hacks, latest research, protocols that support the root cause, and holistic practices to implement, but these have nothing on THE BASICS.  

   When we think of the basics as extras, we make life harder.  Silly, right?  So many of us are more likely to spend our time, energy, or money on more wellness services/products/protocols than to stop looking at a screen before bed, eat meals and sleep at regular intervals, get into nature, or make sure we're communicating our feelings/needs. These are simple, but they are not mainstream.  

   Guess what? Mainstream is not sustainable.  It's what gets us to depleted.  The Basics are what we should always come back to and most of us will recalibrate fairly quickly (within a few weeks) if we lean into those.

So yeah…  I ramped up a bit too quickly in January and February with all that stored up sabbatical energy in my tank.  And now I'm leaning into self-compassion for this human experience of learning something more deeply each time.  That's the thing-- each time you learn it, you're different.  You're new.  You have different life experiences and lessons to pull from, so it's really not the same each time.  

Thankfully, since my body learned how much of an impact ruthless decision making, deep rest, and the basics have on my well-being, I'm leaning on those.  And I'm here to keep reminding you of those because it's going to make everything in life, including food, feel better.

It's hard to have a positive relationship with food when you're depleted. 

Anything having to do with family food during a time like this will feel like pushing a boulder up a hill.  If you'd like someone to hold your hand through this process, I'm here to help you.  Go ahead and schedule an Ask Me Anything session today or schedule a 20-minute consult for ongoing coaching.  I have 3 spots available per season (see? I told you I'm protecting my energy!) for a coaching package.

Tell me in the comments: What really spoke to you here?  What are you going to try on?  And where can I help you more with this process?

44 Life Lessons by age 44!

I’ve just turned 44 and I decided to make a list of some of my biggest life lessons to date. Comment or send me an email with your favorites.

And maybe give it a try too. Perhaps make a list like this in your journal, talk it out with your partner or a friend, bring the activity to a girls weekend, or write it in a letter to yourself to receive at your next bday! It feels so good to see how much you’ve learned and what is important to you today.

1. Healing is usually an ING, not an ED. For most of us, we are healing our relationships with things (food, money, intimacy, grief, learning, love, etc) or people (alive or dead). Life presents us with new ways to go deeper into that process and integrate in new ways all the time. It’s not a past-tense thing; its’s an ongoing thing.

2. But also, I love the word “integrate” over “heal” and learned this concept in The Presence Process by Michael Brown.

3. How we do one thing is how we do everything. We can learn so much about ourselves and our patterns! This may feel daunting at first, but really it’s just about having common threads. As we work with those threads, it all begins to feel better.

4. Lean into your shadows. We all have them and whether it’s your partner, or your kid, or an honest and loving friend who helps you see your stuff, it’s worth it.

5. Learning how to receive help is a skill most of us did not see modeled by women in our lives, yet it’s one of the most sustainable energies we can cultivate.

6. Asking for help is just as important. I love Kate Northrup’s guidance here (Book: Do Less) when she says, “My mantra for how to ask for help is: Early, often, and kindly.”

7. Hugging is so good for you! There’s actual science behind 20-second hugs and all the feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters that flow.

8. All feelings are valid. All feelings are valid. All feelings are valid.

9. Plant something. You can do it; I promise. I started a veggie garden in the fall (at age 43!) and it’s brought me so much joy.

10. Sunlight on your eyes first thing changes the game. Andrew Huberman has made this practice popular in the past few years and I’m so grateful. The sooner I get outside, the better I feel.

11. The body usually starts by communicating in whispers and gets progressively louder. It’s hard to hear those whispers when we’re running and doing all the time, so slooooow down. Your body will thank you.

12. We are cyclical beings. Just like animals and plants in the wild, we are natural beings with cycles and seasons. We are not meant to do life the same every day.

13. When you have a desire or a longing, listen to it!

14. When someone says something and you have a deep and grounding exhale, there’s truth there! Listen to it. Same goes for when you get the icks or feel your whole body contract. The body will tell you.

15. Welcome endings. We don’t need to fear them. Honoring culmination and, even inviting endings, is part of life.

16. Most of us feel better when we eat at regular intervals. The body loves routine and predictability.

17. Sleep is the foundation. Deep and restorative sleep supports every part of the body and is a really good place to start when anything feels off.

18. Having seasons when you take a break from consuming information is great. Let that wisdom integrate and spend more time with your inner wisdom. You’ve got a lot of it!

19. Give me a humid and balmy climate over a dry desert any day! My curls, my skin, and my energy just glow. Just keep the bugs away, please!

20. Making sound is so therapeutic. Whether you call it your voice or the throat chakra or anything else, using that part of your body is a wonderful practice in healing a relationship with food. Sing, chant, grunt, and hum.

21. If you’re “feeling lost,” you are very likely “found” in a new way. It’s your inner wisdom saying “the stuff that once felt good doesn’t anymore and that feels ungrounding.” You’re right on the precipice of truth. Lean into it.

22. Invest in old friendships. Don’t take for granted the history that’s there even if you feel like you wouldn’t choose these exact friends today.

23. Invest in new friendships that meet you where you are right now, in this incarnation of you. Meeting you as you are today and you being able to tell your story as you see it today is beautiful.

24. Tahini, cinnamon, chocolate, and coffee all go really well together!

25. Keep reading! Keep learning. Keep asking questions. We need critical thinkers and people willing to challenge their own beliefs now more than ever.

26. Let yourself notice the magic; that little nod from the universe, a spirit, energy, etc.

27. Get outside and look at the stars often!

28. You don’t have to get weighed at most doctor’s appointments. You can respectfully decline.

29. Learn about your body. Your body holds you every day and no one is more invested in your wellbeing than you are.

30. The majority of medical research is not done on women, especially pre-menopausal women. Find partners in your health that you trust and stay on top of the latest research.

31. Bring more ritual and sacredness into your life. Light candles, play music, sit in circle with others, aromatherapy, pull cards, and take baths. You don’t need any excuse or spa day for this— do it at home and throughout your days often.

32. If you feel like a dish could use more zing, add lemon juice or lemon zest to it.

33. Play!! We learn through play, just like our kids! We unlock parts of ourselves that we forgot were still there.

34. Keep pictures of yourself as a kid around— by your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, as a bookmark, etc. Honor that little one.

35. Your relationship with money probably has a lot of overlap to your relationship with food. Lean into that. Get curious about it.

36. Stable blood sugar is where it’s at. It supports mood, hormones, sleep, digestion, clarity, focus, patience, sex, energy, productivity, and just gets more important as we age.

37. Feelings are like waves. They come in, they peak, and they go out. Learning how to ride those waves creates calm, confidence, and ease in so many areas of life. Want more of this wisdom? Anita Johnston’s book, Eating in the Light of the Moon, is soul medicine on every level.

38. You probably don’t need more stuff. Think about the next decluttering project and take care of future-you by honoring all you do have.

39. You’re stronger than you know. A bestie told me this recently and it brought me to tears. We have these old stories of what we think strength is— it’s not just powering through. It’s having the courage to be who you are underneath all that conditioning. So I’ll say it again: You’re stronger than you know.

40. “Grief and joy are two sides of the same coin. If we repress one, we suppress the other.” That’s from Luminous Darkness, by Deborah Eden Tull.

41. Perimenopause is real and I’m deep-diving right now learning all about it so I can flow into this next phase of life with as much ease and joy as possible.

42. I really don’t like camping. I tried. It’s not for me. You go camping and I’ll stay in a nearby Airbnb and hang out with you until dark, k? Deal.

43. Finding the masculine structure within the feminine flow is usually a more sustainable and joyful way to do life.

44. Do more of what lights you up in front of your kid/s. Let them see what joy looks like and how important it is to you!

45. And one for good luck: Laugh often! Big, open mouth, deep belly, pee-in-your-pants laughter!!

Which were your favorites? Comment below!

It’s not about willpower

There are certain foods that are my go-to when I’m bored. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or anxious. Or lonely.

I tend to not want to eat much when I’m sad. Strong waves of grief completely halt my appetite.

We all have food cravings, tendencies, patterns, whatever you want to call them. They are just part of our Food Story. What if we could strip away all the stigma and shame that comes along with food cravings? What if they were just other pieces of information from our bodies like feeling thirsty or cold?

These pieces of information need a little more decoding and that’s where you come in. It’s also one of the main reasons diets don’t typically work. A one-size-fits-all rule about what to eat (usually more about what not to eat) completely ignores why you want to eat that food.

Our culture tells us to ignore food cravings— that cravings are a sign of weakness and a lack of willpower. I call BS.

We all have them and it's time to acknowledge they are there. We are here to live life fully, to feel our feelings, work with them, and heal. It’s part of this gig! We all have our stuff and it’s time to take a look at it and understand it rather than stuff it down.

As adults, we need to understand why we should or should not do something. “Because I told you so” doesn’t work for most adults (spoiler: it not beneficial for kids either and will continue to disempower them, but that’s a blog post for another time). We need to know WHY so that we can problem-solve, come up with a Plan B, change course, and know what to do next time we encounter this issue.

So how do you figure out why you crave and finish an entire bag of chips?

You observe.

You observe your thoughts, your body signals, your emotional state, what happened right before that craving hit, your behavior, your struggles. You observe all of it without any judgment. You’re not even drawing conclusions yet— just taking it in with genuine curiosity. “Oh! That’s interesting!”

And next time you do the same thing. And again. And again. With grace and kindness.

Soon, you’ll notice the patterns.

You’ll see that when you’re bored or trying hard to stay awake, for example, you go for the chips. Why? Because they give you something to do. Crunching down on the chips gives your jaw work. Chips have a lot of texture, flavor, salt, fat, etc— there’s a lot going on there and they keep it interesting for your mouth, your brain, and your teeth.

As you start to notice and, then, understand your patterns, the clarity feels so empowering. Now you see that it’s not a lack of willpower or some unknown force leading you to that food again! It’s a message from your body about something that needs attention and nourishment.

And then you can change course and find ways (possibly including the chips!) to support you next time.

It’s your process and your unique experience and no diet will answer this one for you, but the path is not hard. It just takes some listening. And honoring that you gave a unique story of how you got to today. This is the work we do in 1:1 and group coaching and it’s the path to Food Freedom.

I ended my 3-day cleanse early… And what I learned in the process.

I recently said YES! to a 3-day cleanse, which turned into a 2.5 day cleanse for me. I ended in the afternoon on the 3rd day with zero guilt, disappointment in myself, or regret.

Doing a cleanse when you have a history of being on the diet cycle is a big deal, but your mind will trick you into thinking it’s not since you’ve been on a gazillion diets before and so many people you know casually start these every day. Two things about that:

1. You’re not just anyone. You are in the process of healing your relationship with food and that means you’ve gotta take a more conscious path here.

2. Diet culture has told you for years (decades?) that you should be making every effort to lose weight and/or “eat right.”

The cleanse is presented differently than a diet, isn’t it? Cleansing is an age-old practice and it’s really good for you! When I became a Health Coach, I saw this in all the Wellness Industry marketing copy. To be honest, I sold cleanses this way too. “It’s not about weight loss; it’s about wellness.”

A cleanse was a new way to channel my never-good-enoughness. I held on so tight to the idea that there must be a right way and I just hadn’t found it yet. I jumped right into every diet because I felt like I should. It felt like I was running away from the bad decisions I’d made and my inability to control my eating.

Each attempt was an escape rather than feeling pulled towards something inviting. You know the difference—- the full-body YES vs hesitation-filled anxiety and all the reasons you feel it’s not the right move, but you SHOULD go for it anyway.

The SHOULD is valuable information. It’s Step #1.

Step #2: Say a genuine “Thank you!” to your mind for bringing SHOULD to your attention. The SHOULD represents every rule, expert opinion, and past “failure” running through your mind.

Step #3: Pause. Your healing is found in the pause. We’re so used to rushing through this process and stuffing down questions that come up. These questions are not excuses— they are genuine inquiries, AKA your intuition. Remember, you can’t heal what you don’t see, so if you skip over this part, you’re giving messages to your wisdom/intuition/knowing that you don’t trust her. And if you don’t trust the messages from your body, you’re continually band-aiding, rather than healing.

Step #4: Move into your body. How does this feel in your body? Do you feel open, curious, excited (maybe a teeny bit nervous), and inviting? Do you feel tight, closed, anxious, and predicting failure? If tight, what feels tight? Where in your body is this showing up? Get to know this. Likely your body gives you similar signals with different experiences. As you get to know your patterns, deep trust is formed.

Honor these feelings, however way they are showing up. Remember: One is not better than the other. All feelings are valuable and you have full permission to feel the feelings. If you’re feeling open and excited, go with it! Invite in the experience and keep repeating these steps. If you're feeling tight and closed, dig deeper. Where is it coming from? Who/what is informing this experience? What part of your food story is coming up for you? What is your internal chatter?

Step 5: Breathe. What does your system need right now? What would nourish you right now? What is your next right action?

These steps work.

They become innate over time, as you move towards Food Freedom.

On Day 3, I was sipping the vegetable broth I’d just made. Each time I made a new batch, I strained it and just drank the broth (solid food was not part of the protocol). This time I paused. I felt a pull to eat some of the soft, creamy, broth-soaked veggies. Then I felt it: “I should finish out the day and keep my commitment.” There it was. SHOULD.

I tuned in. I moved through these steps. I honored why I felt I should stick with it—- all my baggage around not finishing things I start, my history of cheating on diets, and that everyone else seemed to be sticking with it. I questioned (and asked my body) if this felt like something worth finishing? What might I gain from finishing that I didn’t already experienced? Did it feel open and expansive to imagine eating? YES! Did I feel any sense of disappointment? None. So sat down, took a few deep breaths, made sure my body felt relaxed and ready for food, and let the food sit in my mouth for a few moments. I felt all the textures, tasted all the flavors, and that was a heavenly bowl of soup. Later, for dinner, I simply had another bowl of soup; not because I needed to restrict, but because it’s all my body wanted.

The promises and agreements I made with myself before saying YES:

• I journaled and feel all the feelings that came up in the past when I took on any food system that had an official start date. It’s all part of my food story and I make sure to honor these parts regularly. Loving reminder: these don’t go away. The thoughts and feelings are still there, but just don’t carry the heaviness they once did.

• I promised I would lead with self-compassion. I would be gentle with myself.

• I promised myself to move through the cleanse with a sense of non-judgmental curiosity. What would it feel like? What would come up? What messages would my body give me?

• I didn’t have any attachment to the outcome. Seriously. If I felt great afterward? Awesome. If not, also fine. It’s all information!

• I gave myself full permission to end the cleanse when it felt right. And I would not beat myself up if I ate something off the cleanse. There’s always the Begin Again right there waiting for me.

• I allowed myself the time and space to slow down, to be with the difficult physical, emotional, and spiritual feelings that would, undoubtedly, come up. How? By laying it all out with my husband beforehand. I took Saturday and Sunday morning to myself.

• I took a work and social media break so I could connect with myself more than the outside world.

Working with my food story over the years led me to this point and, as hard as it was, it was magical. Yes, I did notice clearer skin, a flatter tummy, and better poops. I also had a raging headache, a coating on my tongue, low energy, and, at times, incredibly moody, as my husband will be the first to announce. These were the symptoms.

It really doesn’t matter if you ever do a cleanse, a fast, or any other dietary protocol every again. In fact, until you’ve really confronted your relationship with food, it’s probably not even worth it. 90% of the success of a protocol is what you do leading up to it, your mindset during it, and how you come off of it.

My real shift came in the journaling, the rest, the social media/technology break, and the loving kindles I gave myself.

The lasting impact 3 weeks later: A next-level deeper love and connection to food while, at the same time, a greater release of attachment to food.

There’s no right or wrong. Healing your relationship with food requires a deep knowledge of your uniqueness in this process. I’ll say this: If you feel pressure, contraction, closed, tight, anxious, and like you’re in over your head, making big changes to diet likely won’t lead you down the path you desire.

Now I’d love to hear from you. What’s one promise you can make to yourself when it comes to your relationship with food? How can you be more gentle with yourself and honor the steps when a SHOULD comes up? Leave a comment and let us know!

The real path to transformation this year

Are you just starting to wrap your head and heart around this being a new year and focusing on what you want out of 2021? I used to make all the resolutions and hit the ground running on January 1st, I stopped. I realized they really had nothing to do with me, my unique makeup, what I wanted to feel, and what would set me, personally, up for success.

Even though it’s already the new year, I’m taking my time settling into what I’d love to cultivate, knowing that the big intentions, words, and grand plans fizzle. How do you make plans and look ahead when life feels so uncertain? By connecting to how you want to feel.

The real path to meaningful transformation is by focusing on how you want to feel, not what you want to be, accomplish, or do.

I’ve learned that I can experience joy in the depths of grief. I can experience connection and community, even in isolation. I can feel empowered, even when surrounded by fear.

For over 35 years of my life, I focused on the external-- the stuff that happens to us, the fear, the anxiety, the unknown, the "how do I cope with this hard thing?" seemingly taking over my life. I distracted myself by forging ahead and doing.

The world we live in is so focused on productivity and success. For most, it translates to how many boxes you can check off on your list, so you can lay your head on the pillow at night feeling like you did well that day.

Super Woman and Super Mom usually refer to someone who produces a lot - and mostly for other people.

In 2020, we faced big lessons about uncertainty, grief, questioning the way we chose to live our lives for so long, and other biggies tied to values, priorities, and big life decisions.

• Is this where I want to live?

• Is my job fulfilling?

• How do I want my kids to be educated?

• What actually brings meaning and joy to my life?

• How do I want to prioritize my physical and mental health?

• Feeling so done with the loop of habits that don’t serve and wanting a new path.

So many of us realized our normal wasn’t normal.

If the normal isn’t normal, how do we shift things? Every one of these things comes down to a feeling. A feeling worth trusting, listing to, and honoring. Even difficult feelings like anger, frustration, and regret— they are all important messages. Thank yourself for these feelings so you can work with them and see more clearly what’s happening for you.

What do you want to FEEL in 2021? This basic question is the starting point for decision making. If you know how you want to feel, you know what to say yes to and what to say no to. You can bring this question in almost everything you do. And that is freedom.

How many times have you reached a finish line, a deadline, or a goal only to realize it didn’t feel as you’d hoped? Our culture focuses on just finishing the thing without any emphasis on what you actually want to feel.

Some examples of feelings you might want to cultivate this year (although the list is endless!):

• Embodied

• Wild

• Adventurous

• Brave

• Hopeful

• Focused

• Powerful

• Feminine

• Bright

• Grounded

• Beautiful

• Alive

• Joyful

• Light

• Abundant

• Warmth

• Acceptance

• Fluid

• …

{Inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map.}

Journal on this one.

What do you want to feel in 2021? And how can you bring these desired feelings into your day-to-day? This is what really makes life, doesn’t it? Feeling the way you want to feel? You have that choice at every turn.

Ritual Over Resolutions

This time of year used to be filled with resolutions, regret, shame, and seeking the right solution, once and for all, to lose weight. That’s how I came to the end of every year. It felt awful, but I didn’t know another way. Year after year, I kept trying to right my wrongs with a variation of the same solution— the diet.

I wish I could get those days back. But I see it as part of my path, to get me here, to see another way, and to have a Begin Again as I built a new relationship with food.

January is pretty much the worst time of year to make big changes related to diet and body.

The fact that these diet resolutions don't work is actually your body’s wisdom! Look, I love a good milestone date to make changes, but let's dig a little deeper on this whole “New Year - New Me” trend:

• January 1st has nothing to do with your body. It's a date on a calendar decided by Julius Caesar and his peeps (aka, the Julian Calendar). Not very resonant for the female body.

• New Years is in the thick of winter (in the Northern Hemisphere), the darkest, dormant, the most ideal time for quiet and slowness. It's not the time for attempts at big change. It's the perfect time for reflection and inward energy.

• Your body IS connected to the earth, the seasons, the moon, and your menstrual cycle. You already have brilliant and real ways to renew, but big diet and body changes on January 1st set us up for failure every time because it's so out of sync with who you are.

How does that sit with you? Does it let you release the idea that you need to do a cleanse or a big change come the new year? There’s a better way. When we invite in rather than focus on what needs to be taken away, we find more ease. In my years of health coaching, I’ve seen that the change comes when we first add something in.

Diet culture tells us to remove. It’s traumatic, hard, scary, and all about deprivation. Adding in something, like a ritual, that soothes the nervous system, makes everything else more doable.

Right now we’re in the days when the balance of dark and light tips and the sun begins a return trip that invites newness, growth, increasing warmth, and brightness inside you. It's a beautiful time to, first, feel the darkness (what has come before this moment) and then, move to the healing light. The solstice is a time of rebirth, a special window of peace and renewal. The quiet of a long night welcomes you to look within. Now is a perfect time to honor your own inner light with renewed attention, awareness, and gratitude.

Ritual became a biggy after my mom died in 2020. I was so drawn to the ways I could mark shifts in time beyond the typical anniversaries people commemorate in grief.

My Winter Solstice Ritual, asking lots of questions about what I want for my future.

2020 took this to a new level for me. My sacred time in the morning is now a make-it-or-break-it for my day. Rituals honor where I really am, in nature, in seasons, and in my body, and feel a million times more relevant than January 1st. Creating your sacred time and space is all about self-love. It’s about bringing in something nourishing rather than removing and punishing.

Rituals honor moments of transition when it feels like life just passes us by.

Below I’ve shared some journal prompts that are ideal for right now— for you to learn about your relationship with food before you seek a solution to the struggle.

Our productivity-obsessed, check-the-box, stuff-it-down-and-move-on culture wants us to rush to the end. To the end of what? Real change comes when we can be with what is so we can see, clearly, without judgment, what may emerge.

Questions to get you started:

1. When did your stress, struggle, or battle with food begin? What are your earliest memories including food restriction or rules? What do you remember people around you saying about food, both the positive and the negative?

2. When do you enjoy food? When do you find pleasure in food? And when does food feel like stress and a chore?

3. What is your #1 food struggle right now?

4. What are you worried about when it comes to your relationship with food? For yourself and for your family?

5. What does Food Freedom mean to you? What would it feel like for this whole food thing to not be a hardship? What would your days look like? How does this feel in your body right now?

When you ask these questions, you’ll begin to see the parts under the surface that need a little more nourishment, compassion, and love.

Give yourself the time to go deeper, feel it, and embrace the real stuff. Jumping to the fix, without really understanding the struggle at the root, fails every time.

Self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-love— how can you bring those in? I know this has been a year, but rather than racing to the end since there’s no real finish line here, can you take a bit to pause and learn more about you?

Please share in the comments how it feels to dig into this.

Life lessons from my annual pap

Recurrent miscarriage makes a routine visit to the gyno way more than wincing from the speculum action. Walking in, greeted by all the big bellies. I remember sitting on the waiting room couch optimistic for good news just earlier this year, imagining rubbing my belly the way all the other women were.

Was I “cautiously optimistic?” I don’t know. I think that phrase is a load of BS, honestly. Phrases like this make me feel mechanical and disconnect from deeper emotion.

You can be both hopeful and fearful at the same time. One of the great beauties of being human is holding this duality. We say “cautiously optimistic” as an illusion of control over these emotions, dreams, and visions so that, in the off-chance we get bad news, we can say we were cautious with ourselves. What does it mean to be cautious with your feelings? Haven’t you done that enough in your life?

It’s time to feel the feelings. Fully.

Without the yellow caution tape protecting you.

I was optimistic. Despite having a 75ish% chance of non-viable pregnancy, I was still optimistic. I was still filled with hope because you gotta be, right? Why on earth would I try to get pregnant again, knowing these odds, if I wasn’t filled with hope and optimism? How else do you go into the unknown without hope? I felt it fully. I believed pregnancy #6 was going to stick the same way pregnancy #4 did.

But, to our shock (yes, shock), it wasn’t good news. We were all, doc included, crushed. Now what? I bawled. I sat there staring at the ultrasound screen in disbelief.

Gideon and I walked out of the office, by all the pregnant bellies, and went out for coffee. I stared into space most of the time. And then months of recovery— physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And last week, I walked into that office again for my routine annual appointment and I was hit with a wave. All the memories back again, wondering if I’d ever be there again with a big belly. I brought a book and couldn’t read. I just stared into space, once again, remembering and hoping for good one day.

Just as I got settled in the exam room, I heard the ultrasound in the next room. I mean, really? Was this really happening? The perfect heartbeat over and over of a baby, likely days away from being born, reverberating in my brain. My heart rate increased. I felt chills. I began to brace myself and stuff down these feelings. "You're at the OB's office, there are pregnant women around, just deal" is what a voice told me. That voice is one I knew most of my life. I don't listen to her anymore.

The voice I listened to instead felt like a hug.

It said, "This is hard. Let it out. Feel it."

And I cried. I listened to, what was the longest ultrasound in history, and let myself feel the sadness, the longing, and the hope. And then with a smile, I remembered when I heard that sound for Zeke.

When my doctor came in, I told him what it was like to hear it. He got it. We talked about my last appointment and how I'm doing now. We talked about next steps. He listened to me, honoring every experience in such a human and kind way. PSA: Only work with health practitioners who trust, honor, and respect your body and experience.

If you're a sensitive being who feels things strongly, as I do, know that you don't need a thicker skin. Your skin is perfect.

Permission to feel your feeling is something you’re born with, but learn, over time, that they should be tucked away and hidden. Especially the really hard, confusing, and dark feelings. If you can sweep then under a rug, they go away, right? Nope. You just have mounds of dirt and to dust deal with.

Disordered eating gives us a tool to distract from the real stuff. Those of us who have had this struggle know that we feel things differently from most people around us and so it’s that much harder to go there.

You can stop shoving those emotions down. They are there and they need to be heard. Honor your experiences. Don't deny them. Look at them, be with them. They are right there asking for your attention.

There are a gazillion ways to numb these hard life experiences and they don't work.

Your sensitivity is a gift. Trust and love yourself.

What’s one way you can show yourself more love and kindness today? How can you trust the wisdom of your sensitivity today? I’d love hear your ideas in the comments!

Making soup today is a revolutionary act

We’re here. It’s election day.

If disordered eating or dieting is part of your story, you're likely in it over there with irregular food habits. Skipping meals or just not eating at all is extremely common during times of heightened emotion. If disordered eating or dieting is part of your story, you're likely in it over there with irregular food habits.

When sudden trauma and acute stress hit us out of nowhere, it's one thing. But the chronic stress we've been under this year coupled with the anxiety, nervousness, and fear of the election is another. Why? Because you can anticipate it and it's already known. And since it's known (albeit many unknowns to follow), we have the capacity to care for ourselves both proactively and in the moment.

Eating regular meals and snacks is one of the best and most accessible ways you can do this.

You know this to be true for your kids. They thrive on routine. You're no different, but you've decided to deprioritize thriving these days because it just feels like too much.

I get it and I'm here to say that thriving right now is a revolutionary act.

The cascade of breakdown that can happen in your system from dysregulated blood sugar is no small thing.

Choosing to step away from the news, the numbers, the cases, and the hate to make a pot of soup takes a stand for your health and wellbeing. It takes a stand for your family. It’s a statement that your foundation comes first.

The constant borage of updates and notifications requires that you put up a boundary.

Caring for yourself is the ultimate boundary.

Don't let it slip-- not now. Not when we need your energy. Honor your body and show it love and care right now amidst this rocky time.

If you need help comment here or just message me. I'm here for you.

Begin Again

How many times in our lives do we get up and begin again?

I had an experience last year in Hawaii that was the ultimate Begin Again and now when I feel daunted by newness and by the get-up-and-brush-yourself-off, I think of this magical moment. If beginning again can feel magical, I can release the “what ifs” and fear associated with it and rest into the opportunity.

We were driving on a windy hilly, lush road on Maui when we passed by a nursery and Gideon said he wanted to check it out. I didn’t really understand why. I mean, we weren’t exactly buying plants while on vacation. We decided to check it out for a few minutes and, as soon as I walked in, I had a strong intuition there was a message there for me. Note: This whole intuition/sign/message thing was fairly new to me, but I went with it.

It was on this vacation that something came alive in me for the first time since my mom had died 6 months prior. It was also the first time since having Zeke that I felt excited and ready to try for another child, but I’d said to Gideon just a day or 2 before that I was looking for a sign.

To be clear, I’d never said “I want a sign” about anything before that day, but I became that person and it felt so right.

As soon as we walked into the nursery, which btw, was the most gorgeous, meandering, tropical space I’d ever seen, I knew. My sign was here. We walked, checking out all the plants, little rooms, water features and then we stumbled upon a reiki master offering short sessions. She specialized in working with children and Zeke immediately gravitated towards her. Was this the sign? No, not yet. While Zeke and Gideon spent time with her and her cute puppies, I continued on. It felt as if I was being guided.

I walked and breathed. I took it all in. I turned into another room and saw the beautiful invitation below. Was it this space? Was I meant to sit in one of these chairs for a meditation? It seemed so inviting and no one else was around.

But just to the right of this space was a door. It looked like it was just going to their “backyard”— to a storage space perhaps, but I went with it.

I opened the door to a path and felt pulled.

A whisper from the trees drew me in.

I walked, slowly. My eyes started to fill with tears. I was both a bit nervous and filled with wonder about what lay ahead.

And there it was.

The message: Begin Again.

And when I looked beyond the rock, a labyrinth. Okay, I know this is intense, but you can’t make this stuff up! This happened and at this point I was crying and laughing all at the same time.

And then… a labyrinth.

In our Birthing from Within birth education class, we talked about birth being a labyrinth. The idea is that no matter how the unfolds, you cross a threshold with the birth of a new life. I’d say this goes for becoming a mother in any way, death, and those few moments in life that we mark by thinking of life before it happened and after it happened. But for me, the labyrinth symbolism is associated with birth.

You enter one version of yourself and come out anew. My journey of birth and death has been just that.

I walked the labyrinth, crying, overcome with emotion— every emotion! I’ll never forget this casual visit to a nursery in Maui. And we didn’t even buy any plants!

With each miscarriage, with the loss of my mother, with loss of myself… and then rebirth, I’d felt the rebirth. And here I was ready to try for a new being inside me, once again.

Wherever you are in your health, self-love journey, and food journey, we always have the opportunity to Begin Again, to reinvent, to rebirth.

How many times in life can we Begin Again?

As many as you’re brave enough, strong enough, open enough, and curious enough to try.

It’s never too late to begin again.